Ming the Mechanic:
What I hear you say ...

The NewsLog of Flemming Funch
 What I hear you say ...2003-11-26 09:44
35 comments
picture
by Flemming Funch

One of the most simple and useful ways of sorting out arguments and communication difficulties is to work on getting clear on what people really were trying to say.

Most conflicts are merely rooted in misunderstandings. Most communications that one takes offense to weren't really meant the way the were received.

Words are so imprecise, even when we think they're not. We don't all attach the same meanings to the same words. A word is just a pointer. What it points to for each of us depends on our experience and our assumptions.

So, the simple exercise to do before you start fighting back is to read back in your own words the meaning you thought you received.
"What I hear you say is that ...

Is that what you mean?"
And very often you'll find that you didn't get it right at all, but the person really meant something else than what you thought.

Even if you get confirmed that the person actually was being a bit mean and trying to put you down, the clarification makes it so much easier to respond appropriately.

The truth tends to free things up. There's a very recognizable feeling of relief that takes place when two or more people suddenly realize that they're understanding each other, and then they actually can look at the subject matter together. Even if it turns out that they don't agree or see things the same way at all. We don't have to agree. But it helps greatly when we understand each other.

For more details, try this Communication Model.


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35 comments

26 Nov 2003 @ 10:05 by spiritseek : Yes Ming..
I hope everyone reads this comment and understands it.  


26 Nov 2003 @ 10:08 by butterflykiddo : thanks...
thanks for the graphic, it's how I communicate with people, I appreciate and understand it ! ;-)  


26 Nov 2003 @ 10:13 by bushman : So
Just think how hard it is to get my point across with the education I recived from the state of CA, lol. But is truth that so many people write in a way that I have to break out a thasarus and dictionary. The average education of the world? If your highly educated, the majority is far below that education level. This happened to me back when I was checking out scientology, I went to mr, Hubards church in La Canada/Pasadena, took thier entrance test, brought it back and told them that I had to use a thasarus and dictionary to answer thier questions, well they got mad, said you cheeted, and kicked me out of thier building, lol. It proved to me the people there had an agenda I didnt fit.  


26 Nov 2003 @ 13:42 by sindy @209.94.214.248 : dialect/ic
as everything else "theory of language" is j;ust another aspect of exploration of/to self-level-in-to+understanding* one word can mean several diff, and one letter has its own me-aning just the same in different context. hmmm.......... in other words you place it all here in ONEEEEE Nut shell, crunch crunch i took a bite~  


26 Nov 2003 @ 14:45 by b : Communication
As a student of comparative religions I joined, practiced those religions and was educated in them. Then I contributed to the religion. In the religion of Scientology, I graduated from all of the schools of Scientoly and Dianetics and staff schools. I knew/know LRH personaly and worked in his office with him. Often we discussed topics and when I expressed a particular viewpoint on a subject he favored he would say "write it up." Before the 1970's I had written over one hundred papers published in the Sea Org. I have no copies of any of those writings. Nor have I been able to get copies from any Scientology organization. One paper called "Long Distance Communication" by Baron Berez for L Ron Hubbard became the defining definition of communication used by all Scientologists.  


26 Nov 2003 @ 15:38 by ming : Long Distance Communication
Baron, were those mostly HCOPLs or Flag Orders or what? I seem to remember that one.  


26 Nov 2003 @ 15:40 by ming : Word Clearing
Bushman, ha, that's funny the scientologists kicked you out, as one of the tools in their bag is a study technique that takes very seriously to look up all words you don't understand in a dictionary.  


26 Nov 2003 @ 16:08 by b : Long Distance Communication
Ming, they were originaly published as "Orders of the Day" I have had some contact with the orgs through the years and saw that the one I mention above was added to Staff Status 2 course as a HCOPL. Some others on Ethics were also added as HCOPL on the OEC(organization executive course). All of the "Orders of the Day" that were published in the Sea Org have been attached as part of the FEBC(Flag Executive Briefing Course).  


26 Nov 2003 @ 16:53 by ming : Long Distance Communication
Well, then I've certainly read it. But I gave away all my Scientology books, so I can't go and check.  


26 Nov 2003 @ 16:57 by bushman : Accually
I later did go to ambasador collage, and didn't have any trouble what so ever with anyone there , it was a great learning expiriance. I also studied at Fuller Seminary on the weekends thru Lake Ave Congagational Church in Pasadena. I think that they where trying to see just how much I knew in a cold start situation, because then I was cold as compaired with luke warm that I am now. But its true, they didn't like it that I looked stuff up for that test they have in a box in thier lobbie. They are at Pacific and Pensilvainia st's in La Canada/Flint ridge/Pasadena. Accually I think it was my spelling that they didn't like, lol.  


27 Nov 2003 @ 13:23 by Natalie @82.35.43.4 : communication
(not enough room in the box to put my full URL!)

I think that the reason some people can understand each other's communications and some can't (or won't) is not so much a matter of language but that their inner image of the world is completely different. If you meet someone that you have instant empathy/sympathy with, it doesn't matter if you don't even speak the same language, there will be instant communication. But with others, where that shared 'angle of vision' doesn't exist, you both have to make a big effort not to get into constant disagreement and also, mutual put-downs.
You can see this happening even in exchanges over the internet ,in chat rooms, discussion forums etc. Some people will immediately 'connect' and others will immediately be antagonists, whatever the subject being discussed.
I wonder if an experiment could be carried out to try and find some simple and quick technique whereby people who, in reality, are never going to see 'eye to eye' would nevertheless have a bridge on which they could meet and, for a while, see things as the other one sees them. I hav a feeling that humor could serve to build such a bridge.  



27 Nov 2003 @ 14:35 by b : I gave away my books too Ming
I did keep Axioms of Dianetics and Scientology, Scientology, A Book of Scales
and the Creation of Human Ability all by L Ron Hubbard. In his lifetime, he wrote over three hundred books.  



28 Nov 2003 @ 08:58 by Chris Hagglund @65.95.160.96 : Xenu the galactic overlord
Hey werent there some scientology documents about Xenu the galactic overlord who is like the supreme guy in Scientology? And he's like a secret for people who arent at the OT level or something like that? And that you have to buy all these books and get "audited" a whole bunch before you can find that Xenu stuff out? And didnt scientology try to sue all these people on the internet for posting stuff about the Xenu thing for "violating their copyrights" or some stuff?  


28 Nov 2003 @ 12:16 by ming : Xenu
Yes, that's about right. Except for that Xenu was the supreme bad guy in the story. And, yes, the Church of Scientology tried hard to keep it secret, but with little success. Actually Hubbard also wrote a script for a movie, "Revolt in the Stars", which had the same character and the story in it, but it never really got off the ground.  


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Shoot, who would have thhgout that it was that easy?  


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Got it! Thanks a lot again for hepnlig me out!  


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