| What I hear you say ... | 2003-11-26 09:44 15 comments |
 by Flemming Funch One of the most simple and useful ways of sorting out arguments and communication difficulties is to work on getting clear on what people really were trying to say. Most conflicts are merely rooted in misunderstandings. Most communications that one takes offense to weren't really meant the way the were received. Words are so imprecise, even when we think they're not. We don't all attach the same meanings to the same words. A word is just a pointer. What it points to for each of us depends on our experience and our assumptions. So, the simple exercise to do before you start fighting back is to read back in your own words the meaning you thought you received. "What I hear you say is that ...And very often you'll find that you didn't get it right at all, but the person really meant something else than what you thought. Even if you get confirmed that the person actually was being a bit mean and trying to put you down, the clarification makes it so much easier to respond appropriately. The truth tends to free things up. There's a very recognizable feeling of relief that takes place when two or more people suddenly realize that they're understanding each other, and then they actually can look at the subject matter together. Even if it turns out that they don't agree or see things the same way at all. We don't have to agree. But it helps greatly when we understand each other. For more details, try this Communication Model. |