by Flemming Funch
Liz Lawley has a long and excellent post about the difference between introverts and extroverts. It also references an article in The Atlantic about introverts. Particularly Liz has some excellent insights."Another thing that emerged from our conversation was her use of the term self-evident. I mentioned that the person who had first pointed me toward the introvert article had an e-mail address of 'self@evident…', which she loved. But I said that the whole concept of something being 'self-evident' seems to me to very specific to introverts. Where an introvert sees something as obvious based on observed actions, an extrovert is more likely to want to explore it, to triangulate views from multiple sources before forming an opinion. To be valid, for me, an opinion must include input from other sources—I don’t believe any of us can be 'objective' or see a full version of what’s around us, and without asking what others see, I don’t believe I’m getting a full picture.
That's where the conversation got particularly interesting—I told her that I thought the extrovert’s desire to discuss things endlessly was the antithesis to the belief that something is 'self-evident'. She said she’d always assumed that the talk was an announcement of fully formed ideas, not a thought-forming process—that the people talking “already had their ideas, and felt a need to subject us to them.” And I replied that for me, that talk is really the only thought-forming process; the thoughts aren’t solid until they’re expressed, discussed, poked, prodded, etc. Internally, thoughts are amorphous and unformed. When 'exposed to the light' through expression, you can see if they’re solid." So, an introvert thinks things through and speaks when the thought is complete. An extrovert speaks in order to clarify his thoughts. That gives plenty of opportunity for misunderstandings and conflict between introverts and extroverts. An introvert might find it insulting that the extrovert immediately questions and takes apart what he says. And an extrovert might find it puzzling that the introvert appears unwilling to talk things through.
Personally I possess traits of both extrovert and introvert. When doing a myers-briggs type personality test, I usually show as being half of each. I can only stand social interaction for so much time before I need to withdraw and recharge my batteries. I hate calling people on the phone. But I often can't clarify my thoughts without taking things apart, throwing some loose ideas out there, exploring the extremes, and talking it over with others. I enjoy spirited dialogue, and can discuss certain things for hours and hours.
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