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Cheney vows to attack U.S. if Kerry elected

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 Cheney vows to attack U.S. if Kerry elected2004-10-18 20:57
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The Onion:
GREENSBORO, NC—In an announcement that has alarmed voters across the nation, Vice President Dick Cheney said Monday that he will personally attack the U.S. if Sen. John Kerry wins the next election.

"If the wrong man is elected in November, the nation will come under a devastating armed attack of an unimaginable magnitude, one planned and executed by none other than myself," Cheney said, speaking at a rally in Greensboro, NC. "When they go to the polls, Americans must weigh this fact and decide if our nation can ignore such a grave threat."

Added Cheney: "It would be a tragedy to suffer another attack on American soil, let alone one perpetrated by an enemy as well-organized and well-equipped as I am. My colleagues and I urge voters to keep their safety in mind when they go to the polls."

Although Cheney would not comment on the details of his proposed attack on a John Kerry-led U.S., national-security experts said he possesses both the capabilities and the motivation to pose a serious threat.

"There is no question that Cheney has the financial assets and intelligence needed to pose a threat to our nation," said Peter Bergen, terrorism researcher and author of Threats And Balances: Former Executive Branch Officials And The Danger To America. "After all, this fanatic can call upon the resources of both the Republican Party and Halliburton to aid him in his assault. America would be foolish not to take his warning seriously."
OK, The Onion is satire, in case you somehow didn't know. But, hey, it isn't too far off. Better watch that guy.


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9 comments

19 Oct 2004 @ 19:00 by EdKnight @151.198.169.135 : If you like the onion...
you might appreciate Ironic Times which consists of headlines and lead sentences only along with some sometimes amusing info-graphics. As for Mr Cheney, I think the Onion may have a scoop here.Many a truth is spoken in jest. Just finished reading the book titled DICK; not nearly as funny as the Onion but it was as tear provoking as an onion. As an Aside, If anyone has any copies of Lynne Cheney's novel "Sisters," it's selling for 500 beans on Amazon. Get out there and make some dough.  


20 Dec 2014 @ 03:25 by Naoto @190.199.199.129 : mNYQTZlItXsJg
pardon the anonymous post, but i didn't have the time or dersie to set up an account.with all due respect, but when are americans, liberal and conservative alike, going to stand up and not accept the argument that "america is safer now that saddam hussein is out of power" as an acceptable justification for the iraq war?do not misunderstand me, its not my intention to get into a debate as to whether or not the iraq war was justified, that is a horse of another color.the problem with this justification, besides the fact that its an arguable and optimistic interpretation of the events in iraq, and outside of the kerry quote you rarely hear people carrying a rifle say it, is that it is simply a disingenuous and lazy argument. The reason is that its a disingenuous and lazy argument is that the central issue of the iraq war is not america's safety, its the cost for that safety.Wouldn't america be safer if we got rid of all the handguns in the country? Wouldn't we be safer if we drove 10mph on I95? wouldn't america be safer if we got rid of all the airplanes?wouldn't we be safer as a country if we outlawed alcoholic beverages? what if we invaded china, south korea, syria, or for that matter, germany?of course we would. the reason we don't do those things is because the perceived "cost" is greater than the perceived safety benefit. the same is true here -- the fundamental issue of iraq is not whether america is safer, its whether or not the incremental safety of the iraq war justifies the loss of american lives, the loss of innocent iraqi civilians, the decreased ability to respond militarily in other parts of the world, the billions of dollars our children will have to pay, the injury to our nation's image, and the short term rise in terrorism that this conflict may cause. Simply saying that america is safer is akin to merely wrapping yourself in the flag and disavowing yourself of any legitimate questions about your judgement or the ramifications of your actions. The office of potus isn't about making decisions, its about making the right ones, and all of us, regardless of political affiliation, need to make our c-i-c answer those questions  


23 Dec 2014 @ 20:40 by Rohit @190.199.51.60 : bkFMdGpEjjJlgewlqXR
of BN "It rerptsenes the past".In the same way, Bush-Cheney and party also rerptsenes the past. They may still be in power but once the people no longer believe in them or think that they cannot do what they set out to, then these leaders feel powerless and dare not act dictatorially.Ultimately political power lies in people giving politicians the moral support. Without such support, the positions they hold become rather lame - much like our elected presidency.Thus instead of just wanting to get into office, the Singapore opposition should concentrate more on how to sell their ideas. For the real battlefield lies in the minds of men not in Parliament. For is not all that debate in Parliament a case of winning minds?This is the reason big companies have been able to effectively sell their products - using advertisements - some of which are of poor quality from such things like soft drinks with nothing inside but syrup to expensive cellphones that last shorter than the toy phones your kids are playing with.Win the minds of the people first and the rest follows. But Singapore opposition is not doing this. They don't even know how to knock doors to ensure that residents open them. They stand there and the residents peeping through the eye-hole think they are salesmen or RC members and thus refuse to welcome them.Before they walk away, they slip their calling card under the door. Alamak, they should have done that earlier because I for one would have opened the door to chat with them.Brush up your marketing techniques otherwise engage the professionals in marketing to help up, please.It is all mind-war. You don't understand it, you are out of business.  


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